Getting shared around
Now we move on to 1978. In the January things changed quite drastically and shanta & elysha emerged both aged 12. Shanta was / is the peacemaker within our family and no matter what is being asked/told of us. shanta will agree simply to "keep the peace" Elysha is the calm one. Nothing phases her and she would go to places that many of others could not.
The father suddenly decided that the self had to accompany him on his weekend visiting rounds. The mother refused to have us in the house when he wasn't there because we "couldn't be trusted". This resulted from the early days of us being there when money had gone missing and despite us being proven not guilty the ban remained in force throughout.
After all the chores were done on the farm the father was ready to leave. On the first saturday after the New year we were taken to his friend Sol's house. Sol was an obnoxious, overweight,loathsome man who constantly of stale sweat and urine. His friend / relation Ray who we met later was the opposite in size but equally scruffy and smelly.
When we arrived Sol's wife was in the kitchen and we were sent through to help her make mugs of tea for them all. We could hear the father having a discussion with R and S but couldn't make out what was said. When S's wife had made the tea we carried it through for them and after the father had drank his he stood up saying he was going to drive F Sol's wife down to the town ~ the self he said could "stay and talk to these nice men".
S told the self to come sit next to him ~ we were very obedient and did exactly what he asked. The self at this point disappeared and elysha took over until it was time for shaylee jades presence. He took hold of our hand and pulled us across to him, started to slobber all over the face, kissing and trying to shove his tongue in the mouth GROSS! He then pulled us onto his knee and started to fondle the body, had his hands under the clothes and was muttering under his breathe " how sweet and fresh the body felt" After what seemed a lifetime he stopped and allowed us to sit back down on the chair. Nothing else happened that day.
The following week we were taken there again and shaylee jade was prepared. That day S's friend / relation R was there also. The father didn't even come in the house with us that day, simply dropped us at the door and said he'd be back in around an hour, said he had things to do! S's wife was out visiting her grown up children so we were alone in the house with R & S. Before we even sat down R was taking our hand and leading us through into the bedroom.That day the self had been ordered by the father to wear a skirt with no underwear. ( This was quite a common occurrence as it made things simpler for the father).
R was extremely gentle in comparison to the father, he took us over to the bed and very gently pushed us back down into a lying position. He started to touch us down below, pushing his fingers inside of us. He then attempted miserably at entering our body. When he didn't manage that he put his mouth down there and was making the most horrendous awful slurping noises. After a few minutes he tried again to enter the body and that time he succeeded but then changed his mind and suddenly flipped us over and penetrated anally instead. It was so sudden and unexpected that shaylee jade disappeared briefly and tash took over. Something had gone wrong because there was blood on R and the cover on the bed.
After R had satisfied himself we were sent through to S. He called us over to sit on his knee and he then began fondling the body. We could feel his penis pressing into the body. He then unzipped his trousers and shaylee jade was forced into taking his penis and rubbing it for him. Always, Always obedient!
This guy must have weighed in at least twenty stone and it was all fat and blubber, rolls of it. He eased our body up and shaylee jade had to go down on him. He was So unfit all he could do was sit there and force shaylee into performing the duty. Whilst this was happening the father returned, he simply walked in, said hello and sat down to watch!
The father was told of the bleeding incident and immediately clouted us around the head and a swift punch in the lower back for "daring to show him up like that" He said it shouldn't happen now that he had prepared the body. As usual we were punished for something that we had no control over.
This went on for about five weeks before "others" were introduced. We would be dropped off at S's each saturday to "perform" with R & S, in return for this R would often help out on the farm. I guess you could say that we were "payment in kind".
During these weekend jaunts the self never once stayed present, infact it became the norm for her to 'diss' out on us as soon as ever we left the farm with the father.Shaylee jade "dealt" with it all until her twin came along and then they took it in turns.
S would lie on the floor or lean back on the settee and would make whomever was 'present' smear his lower abdomen and genitals with chocolate sauce or spread. It was usually shaylee jade who then had to lick every last drop of the chocolate off before finally being made to sit astride him and allow him to have full sex. Of course the fact that shaylee jade had to lick the chocolate off always turned S on and occasionally he couldn't wait for her to finish before he pulled the body on top of him. After he had finished it was R's turn and he always gave a chocolate bar afterwards and said we had "done good".On the rare occasions there was a problem, for instance if shaylee jade couldn't perform to her normal standards R would hand out chocolate and swear to keep it all a secret from the father. He was aware that if the father heard of a problem then we would be punished.
As it was a weekly occurrence it was inevitable that we would be menstruating at some point. Unfortunately for us it started during one of those saturday mornings whilst shaylee jade was sitting astride S. The blood went over S and shaylee jade was forced into cleaning him off with the mouth. When it was R's turn he forced her to repeat the whole ordeal with him. As usual silence was paid for by chocolate. At that time we were never given chocolate or sweets so it was a real treat for us. These days many of us cannot even tolerate the smell of chocolate especially the twins.
After about five weeks of this we arrived as usual but this time there was someone else there. We were introduced to J who was another 'friend' of the fathers. The following month we were introduced to I and A.
I was a 'man of God' and always wore the infamous black cassock ( or dress as shaylee jade called it) and white 'dog collar'.
He lived in a large house on the outskirts of a town some miles away. The saturday outings to S's ceased and the venue became I's house. During the drive to I's house the father always insisted that we keep our head down between our knees, either that or he would force us to crouch down in the footwell of the car. We were not supposed to know where the house was but i had devised a way of sneaking through and feigning a sneezing attack in order to watch the road signs. I always did figure out a way of seeing things that we we not meant to see.
These trips to I's house commenced in the late March of 1978 and continued through until around the April of 1981.
Each weekend and during school holidays we were taken to I's house. The house was fairly secluded with a large driveway and extensive gardens both front and rear. An idyllic property under different circumstances.
The front door was one of those heavy old doors, wider than the standard fitting door. As you entering the house there was a large hallway with several doors leading off and a large staircase in front of you. We only ever went through one of those doors. The second door to the right, just infront of the staircase. That room was I's 'office' and there were bookshelves all along one wall and his desk was in the far top right corner by the side of the main window. In the far right hand corner of the room was another doorway, this was where we always ended up.
The room was fairly empty of furniture except for a large wooden table with intricate carvings down each leg, this was in the center of the room and against the far wall was a large red settee. The walls were clinically white and the floor was natural floorboards stained and varnished.
The self never went inside that room. On occasions she presented during the journey there but very quickly dissed on us. For the first year it was usually shaylee jade and shaylea who were present in the body although leah did make fleeting appearances . Leah's appearances nearly always caused a problem though because of her feistiness. The following year charly and alana took over from the twins.
Within that room they held sessions that were almost ritualistic in their appearance. There was always the six men present, S,R,I,J,A and th father. The curtains would be drawn, candles would be lit and the main light turned out. The twins were told to strip off and lay atop of the table. Sometimes the men would tie our hands and ankles to the legs of the table, at other times they would allow us to lie freely.
The first 'ritual' was always the same. They would get out a razor and shave the pubic region. I would often stay away during these sessions because they made me feel uneasy so i only hold limited memories of those times. The strongest memories I hold are the details of the house and the room.
What I do remember vividly was the culling of baby rabbits,their insides being strewn across the body. There was always a great deal of blood ( thankfully not our own) and shaylee jade was often so traumatised by the sight of this blood that the body literally 'froze'.During those times either shaylea or leah would step in for a while.
I also remember the dog. It was owned by I and it was a long haired german shepherd. A beautiful majestic dog to look at but it could be quite viscious. Whilst the 'rituals' were occurring the dog would be outside of the door, scratching and whining to be let in. After the men had finished what they were doing with the body, the dog would be allowed in to clean up the blood and guts of the rabbits. Occasionally one of the men would insert parts of the rabbits internal organs inside of us and then allow the dog to lick and clean it out. A few times the dog became over excited and caused nasty bits to our body and especially in the genital area.
When the dog became sexually excited one of the men , usually R or I would lift our lower body up and try and insert the dogs penis into us. Thankfully this was never successful but they didn't give up trying for many months.
During 1978 a few events happened that caused further problems to arise. Midway through that year the self suddenly decided that she was going to 'run away'. Over a few days she took plastic carrier bags from the house and put all our belongings inside them. The bags were hidden under the bed safely and out of sight or so we thought.
We arrived back from the school to see the pile of bags stacked up on the ground at the side of the house. Everything we owned was inside those bags other than the school clothes we were wearing at the time. The father snatched our school bag and threw that onto the pile, he then poured petrol over it all and set fire to it. We had to stand there and watch everything we owned burn into nothing. He then beat us with 'our' stick.
As it was only a week before the school term ended for the summer holidays we were kept out of school luckily as we had nothing to take in with us. All our school books had also gone up in flames. Over the summer holidays we had to 'earn' ourselves new clothes, nothing was ever given without a massive price tag attached.
It was also during that summer the father almost broke our arm in temper. I say almost, he may well have done but we were never taken to get any form of treatment. He was building stalls in the spare barn so that the cattle could be housed in there during the winter months. He was using large metal poles to use as separators for the cattle, and these poles had to be bent into an almost L shape. The only way that this could physically be done was by attaching one end of the pole to the front of the tractor and fixing the other end into a large vice contraption then reversing the tractor until the pole bent to the required shape leah was in full flow, arguing and yelling at the father which really angered him. He then told us to stand in front of the tractor, made some excuse that we were in the way where we were, and as he reversed the tractor he suddenly slipped the clutch. The pole became detached from the front of the tractor and swung straight at us, catching our left arm. We all felt the pain of that and for at least a week the arm was totally useless. We couldn't hold anything,carry anything, couldn't even turn the arm so that the palm was facing upwards. All in all it took about six weeks before it was back to normal although we still to this day suffer with pain on occasions.
That summer we were given an old morris minor car by the elderly neighbouring farmer. It was a lovely car, in really good condition and today would have been worth several thousand pounds. We loved that little car and would spend whenever we could driving it around the top field. It lasted about two weeks.
The parents eldest daughter was intensely jealous that we had been given this car and she did nothing but complain. The father decided it had to go but before it did he wanted us to 'christen' it. He had us drive it down the lane to the top of 'five acres' field and then he had sex with the body inside the car. Afterwards he urinated all over the seats of the car whilst we were still inside it. He then made us get out, he took the handbrake off the car and allowed it to free wheel straight down the field where it tipped down into the large ditch at the bottom. The same ditch that our 'friends' the dogs were 'buried' in . Later we managed to sneak down there and look to see how badly the car was damaged. It was a total wreck. The windows were all smashed and the bonnet was crumpled. Our pride and joy was no more.
The self turned 12 years of age that summer.
When we returned to school in the september there were further problems. The father had destroyed school property in the form of text books when he had set fire to all our belongings. These books had to be replaced and the school sent the parents a bill for the cost of replacements. The father went absolutely insane over this and beat us quite badly. It was during that time he came at us with a red hot poker out of the fire.
The bill had to be paid by them in the end and as a result we were 'forced' into giving him even more bizarre sexual favors. He would force us to perform oral sex on him whilst he was urinating, he would make us sit on top of him whilst he was in the bath ( yes the mother and their three children were in the next room).One of the most revolting things that he made us do was sit on the low wall in front of the cattle during milking time. We would have to be either wearing a skirt with no underwear or remove our trousers and he would make whichever cow we were in front of lick us down below. This 'chore' was usually left to tash as none of the others could handle it but after it happened a couple of times a further two inners emerged specifically to deal with that. They have remained nameless and have never ventured outside since that 'fad' of the fathers ceased. After this had been going on for several minutes he would then move the cow out of the way and have sex with the body. Thankfully this 'fad' of his soon died a death after one of his children walked into the milking parlour and almost caught us doing it.
On the last saturday of September we finally succeeded in 'running away'. It wasn't planned at all and when we left we had absolutely nothing except the clothes we stood up in. The self had been ordered to hoover the house through whilst they were having their breakfast and because she had missed some dust he decided we had to have a beating. He took the extension pipe off the hoover and whipped us across the back and legs with it. Because we had done so badly at our 'chores' we were not 'allowed' to go out that saturday. Instead of the usual jaunt over to I's house, the father decided that he was going to take the mother and their three children into town for a few hours. As usual we were locked out of the house.
Within minutes of them leaving around 11am, we set off across the fields and simply walked and walked. All of the older ones of us took it in turns to walk that day, hiding out in hedges whenever cars went past, keeping ourselves in the shadows so that people wouldn't notice us, sticking to quiet back lanes as much as possible. None of us knew how far we actually walked that day, all we were aware of was the night drawing in. As it became dark we tried to stick to main roads that were lit, for our own safety. Although now I wonder why we bothered to try and protect ourselves.
Eventually in the early hours of the morning hunger and exhaustion defeated us all. The self was present in the body when the exhaustion took its toll and we collapsed on the pavement alongside a busy main road. Due to the hour we must have lain there for quite some time before we heard a car pull over and someone get out. We heard a woman's voice speaking to us but we were so exhausted that none of us could understand the words that she was saying. Shortly afterwards we have a vague recollection of flashing blue lights and felt ourselves being lifted. The intense lighting in the back of the ambulance bought us round briefly but not long enough to speak coherently.
We were taken to the local hospital which we have now learned was approximately 35 - 40 miles away from the farm. As soon as we arrived at the hospital the questions were firing at us from all directions. "What was our name?", "Where did we live?" " How old were we?". Although we could hear the questions none of wished to respond, all we wanted to do was sleep. Also we didn't want to answer any of their questions because we knew if we did, we would get sent back to the parents. The nurses kept on poking at us, pressing their fingers onto the base of our throat causing us to cough, shouting at us. Eventually we just told them what they wanted to know and then we slept.
What felt like only seconds later we heard the fathers voice. Initially Panic set in and the self and us were switching places rapidly because none of us wanted to be in the body when He caught up with us. Even tash who is scared of nothing was panicking that night. Just as quickly as the panic set in it was gone again and we simply didn't care what was awaiting us.As we were physically fit the hospital discharged us after giving a lengthy sermon on the worry we had caused the parents and also of the dangers we could have found ourselves in.
Once we were inside the car the father lost his temper completely. He was screaming and shouting at us and hitting us across the side of the head. After he had driven away from the hospital he pulled over and started to hit us with a small length of wood he had in the car,but none of us felt a thing. All we wanted to do was sleep. When we arrived back at the farm we were not allowed to go to bed as it was almost time to be up and doing our chores. Later that morning we were taken over to I's house for 'punishment'.
During the late part of that year there was another forced abortion after the father realised that the monthly period had been absent for a couple of months. Nobody knew who has impregnated the body that time, it could have been any of the six men. They were all present when this forced abortion took place. We were at I's house,lying on the table. J and R lifted our lower body, held our legs apart whilst A pushed something sharp inside of us. None of us knew what the object was, we simply refused to watch but we all felt the sharp pain deep inside. Afterwards there was a lot of blood on the table, the twins could not cope with it, neither could anyone else. Ferita aged 13 emerged to deal with it. That was the only time that ferita emerged. Since then she has been hidden away in the shadows along with a host of others who were "created" simply to deal with a single event.
Schoolwork began to suffer except for the occasions that Kayleigh attended. We were constantly being pulled up in the classroom for "daydreaming" and not taking any notice. The teachers began to pick on us quite badly and would fire questions at us when they suspected we were not paying attention. More often than not we were unable to answer the teachers questions. That would result in us being made to stand at the front of the classroom and explain to everyone exactly what we had been thinking about whilst they had been learning. Our usual excuse was that we had been thinking of going home. This in itself was not a lie but our thoughts about going home were rather different than the ones we related to the classroom.
We were constantly ridiculed by our peers and they would often play cruel pranks on us. They would snatch the chair away as we went to sit down, they would drop things into our school bag then accuse us of stealing, tip salt all over our lunch, the list is endless. One time when the chair was snatched away we fell backwards and hit our head against the radiator. It knocked us sick and we had to spend the remainder of the day in the school sickroom. At least we were safe in there!
The accusations of 'stealing' caused us many problems because the school would inevitably send a letter 'home'. The results of which were severe beatings. Of course the mother was always happy to be proven right, that we were in fact a thief as she had accused us of being shortly after we went to live there. Our constant pleas of innocence went unheard and after a while we gave up trying to prove our innocence. We simply accepted the punishment.
During this year we actually made a friend, Lisa and were invited to her birthday party in the October and after a lot of sexual favors the father agreed to us staying at her house overnight. It was so strange being treated as a human being rather than a sex toy. Lisa's mother was lovely and treated us so kindly whilst we there but of course we feared this kindness.
The father had instilled into us that all fathers did this to their eldest daughters and as Lisa was the only girl in the household we firmly believed that her father must have been doing the same to her. The father had also told us that Lisa's father would probably expect the same from us for allowing us to stay in their house. We didn't sleep a wink that night, waiting for Lisa's dad to come in. Obviously he didn't and when we reported back to the father he told us it was because we were contaminated. He told us that her father must have realised that we were evil and so he left us alone. That was the only time we ever stayed at someone else's house.
The friendship with Lisa soon ended because we could never invite her to our "home" and were forced to continually turn down her invites. We also held this deep fear that should we remain friends she would eventually become "infected" by our badness.
In early january of 1979 leah decided to cause damage to the parents new Nissan car. She scraped all down one side with a piece of sharp metal and tipped fresh milk into the rear footwell. When the father saw the damage he instantly accused us and we didn't even try to deny it tash took a really bad beating that day. The father hit us so hard across the side of the head that we developed a discharge from the right ear. The face swelled up so badly that the mother was forced into taking us to see the doctor. We had to say that one of the dairy cows had swung its head and caught us on the side of the face. The doctor diagnosed an infected eardrum and we were prescribed antibiotics. Those tablets were used for our first of many suicide attempts.
The mother did not bother to check if we were taking the medication. We took the pills into school with us and tash went into the toilets and swallowed them all. Unfortunately it was just a five day course and the tablets only affected a few of us. Another of the mysteries associated with DID is the fact that whilst some of us can be affected by tablets/alcohol, others can show no outwardly sign of being drunk or drugged. That days overdose did nothing more than send shaylee jade to sleep during the art class.
During 1979 a further ten inners emerged. These included charly. alana, cali, nia, vonya and desi. On the next page both charly and alana will relate their 'stories' in depth. I hope that in due course cali will tell her story and maybe we will be able to persuade some of those hidden away to write their stories. nia and vonya are in simple terms 'dishwashers'. Their whole purpose of existing was to ensure that the parents crockery/china/ornaments were never damaged during the daily 'clean up' chores that were forced upon us. They both emerged following a spate of "accidental" breakages caused by leah and tash. Desi is our resident suicide "ring leader". Her purpose in life is to convince all other inners that the only answer is suicide. She does not possess any positive traits only black thoughts of death. Desi has instigated every suicide attempt ever made with the exception of the first one.
The first few months of 1979 were relatively quiet in that nothing major happened. The demands by the father continued on a daily basis and the night time visits increased, the weekend "rituals" at I's continued. The body was exhausted from lack of rest but we had to carry on as best we could. It didn't matter if we had no energy, if some of us almost fell asleep at school. It didn't matter that we began to feel ill. Something else that was banned ~ illness!
When their other three children had measles and then mumps it was us who had to fetch and carry for them. Us who had to rub camomile lotion onto their itchy spots, us who had to clean up their vomit. Yet throughout it all we never contracted either of the illnesses.
A few months into 1979 we did begin to feel unwell though. Something was wrong inside the body and it affected us all to some degree. We began to experience severe stabbing pains in the lower abdomen which gradually went higher up into the stomach. We were nauseous all of the time and quite often we would be violently sick. We tried to tell the mother,she wasn't interested, we tried to tell the father but he wasn't interested. We even tried to tell the teachers at school but they accused us of 'attention seeking'. They said that we were only saying that we felt ill so that we could miss lessons and be sent to the sick room. This really wasn't the case but nobody was hearing us. Nothing new there!
This went on for about six weeks and it was only after we passed out during a lesson at school that the mother finally took us to the doctors. We were diagnosed with appendicitis, rushed into hospital and operated on the same day.
As we were recovering from the anaesthetic charly emerged and she remained present throughout our stay in hospital which the occasional fleeting appearance of the self. We all took 'time out' and rested during the two weeks we were in there. And it was bliss!
